Im Blaming Moi

YEAH,
Last Fri, Daddie got admitted at Asian. It's his sickness and his knee problem. At first I thought it was my brother because one of my rels called me. We ddnt understand each other bcoz of the rain. I was really going to stay on his side for the while to make "bantay". Fortunately, we were dismissed at 2.30. The news brought me down A LOT. And i still have to do E-aims coz i promised te jhem. I was frantically texting everybody to update me on dad. He's a stubborn guy. :/
So to cheer myself up, i picked a relatively easy to tease partner for E-aims. So while we tutored i picked on the guy. hahahhaah. If he only knew why i did that. Ill probably tell him.

So when i got home, I showered changed and packed my stuff. I waited for someone to pick me up and let me go straight to the hospital. I was anxious to see how dad is doing. Im very worried.
When i got there, dad was asleep and the doctor explained to me and mom and my other cousin who was visiting what the heck was dad about. I'd rather not share. Its.. for me....private thing that id rather not share to everyone.

So at 5, i checked things and mom made bilin.She was there since 6am. She needed rest so i took over. I borrowed my cousins laptop (w/c im using nao) to log on to pass the time. When my dad's dinner came, i helped him with it and helped him freshen up as well. My dad looked so...not him. I fluffed his pillows and lay his clothes out. I logged off the messenger and talked to my cousin. I also reviewed while keeping my eye on daddy and checking up just like the doctor said. I fell asleep around 3am reading. At 4, I heard dad wanting my help. But my cousin quickly attended to it. I talked to him and helped him calm down. He fell asleep again and mom arrived bringing me clothes. Me and my cousin got to a cafe at 6am to get breakfast. We went back to the hospital at 8. Mom has work so we took over. Dad was asleep most of the time because of the meds he took. So i studied a bit, checked his meds and the time, arranged his stuff and looked out the window.

At lunch, i went home, took a shower and brought new books in. I had sleep at 2 and woke up at four to go back at the hospital and picked up some fastfood for our dinner. And currently still making bantay of dad with mom another cousin and my bro visitng.

Somehow, i blame myself for the event. I should have paid more affection to dad if he was around. My brother and i had a huge fight and he seemed to hate me because i told mom a lil prob of his that needed attention.

I feel like all the guys i love hate me or at least i did bad things to them. My brothr'a angry, dads at the hospital and "he">... well lets just say that i still Care and he still dont care. WHATTHEHECK>??????!!!!

iM way tired now, since i stay up all night, since thats the time dad needs us. I wanna cry and cry and cry. because of the aforementioned above. And i have a monthly test to study for. GEEZ!
I have to get sleep!
:(((