To the first guy i had feelings,
Hello. you probably might not even will be ever have the chance to read this. So, i have no worries of you finding out this ridiculous statement. I want to say that your th first guy i ever had a crush on that i actually pursued. It was tiring, but i felt like it had fruits. We became friends, though i was secretly crushing on you long way before yo ever had even known that i existed. We became friends, and i did everything just to get close to you. I always went online just to hear even a hi! from your IM'S i gained a step closer to you because of those conversations that lasted deep into the night. I got to know you better, and always tried my best just to keep you by my side. Would you believe it? I even volunteered to rearrange our seat plan just to get to sit to you, and i even sweet talked the second maker of the seat plan to sit to you even further. We worked on schoolwork together, laughed at all the ridiculous stuff we did, and even had "tickling sessions" that i always remembered and cherished. I favored our recollection, when you told me that i was the first friend that you had in our section, though you didnt continue to say anything from that. The necklace you gave me, because i was buggin you to make "libre" (payforsuch). I wore it without fail
. I failed to notice that people around us were getting a clue, but for the first time, i didnt care about such rude words. You made me haPpy so much, that i felt like i was in the clouds, i looked forward to going to school everyday, and dreaded when the weekends loom. I became such a bubbly happy person for a moment in time. And i began to notice all the effects you had to me. I treasured all the little things you say and do. And for once, i cared a lot for another prson than i did for myself.I will always remeber that i even have small pangs of jealousy, when you grew distant from me. I guess you eventually branched out. I would always try to catch your glance. But the less time i had with you, the more erratic my behavior was. I was changed back to the very unsociable me. And i was falling back to reality. I realized how annoying i was and seemingly clingy too. I must have pissed you off. And when i thought about that fact just in time of my depression, i fell asleep w/ a few tears with you on my mind. But no matter what, i grew up and eventually lessened my addiction of you.
Right now, i can't say that i am completely over my crush of you. But i can say that i can function properly now, even without you being there every second., And living with the fact that you may never like me the way i like you. But even if i feel like you are trying to avoid me recently, i dont really know the reason but you must have found out or something, you have absolutely no reason to worry.at all. you're still my friend, and i really hope that i can fully stop this craziness i used to feel about you.
Writting this down was like a release from my system, i never really did talk to anyone about this matter so its a really great relief for me. When i started recalling to write this. I can't help but get a little emotional. It was such a bittersweet time. And its a great story to type here. *sighsrelief
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